


Does breathing mean you're still alive?

by Vofastudum



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Handmaid's Tale (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Handmaid's Tale Fusion, Dark, Eventual Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, F/M, Forced Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vofastudum/pseuds/Vofastudum
Summary: Nearly a decade after the second war, they thought that the world was at peace. But when the birth numbers of wizarding children start to drop drastically, the ministry takes action. It's called The Law and it defines your place in this new society, where the most important thing for a woman to do is to have magical children for strong magical families. If you're not fertile, you're worth nothing. But a fertile woman is a gift, that doesn't belong to herself. This is a story where the heroes are not called by their names... but by the names of their owners...WIP





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and Welcome! This is an idea that popped to my head and got me very excited. It's going to be a Harry Potter-story, happening in a setting borrowed from Margaret Attwood's book and Hulu's TV-series The Handmaid's Tale.
> 
> Warning: it's not going to be light or pretty, or lighthearted... but it is, eventually, going to be Dramione... EVENTUALLY!
> 
> Disclaimer: If it sounds familiar, it's not mine. I borrowed, mixed and matched, and played with the creations of J.K. Rowling, Margaret Atwood and Hulu. And I'm not making any profit out of this.

Time… it is a cruel companion…

When something goes on long enough, it breaks even the strongest of spirits.

Given enough time, even the best of us break. And the more time we are broken, the harder it's to fix the damage.

This time… she thinks it can never be fixed again.

And the wizarding world… the world they fought so hard to save…The peace, so many gave their life for… never lasted for longer than ten years.

It gave them all a false sense of security… a feel, that everything was ok.

That this world would be a safe place… a place, where you can build a life... where you can have children…That this is the beautiful magical wonderland, it was supposed to be.

But it seems that no matter how hard they tried, the wizards just can't live in peace. No… there's always something… Grindelwald, Voldemort, the greater good, pureblood… and now this…

It happened fast, but not fast enough for them to realize something was wrong.

Probably it was partly because they didn't want to see there was something wrong.

The world was at peace… it was time to settle in, get jobs, marry and start a family.

But now, she thinks she should have seen it coming.

She should have known things were wrong, when Lavender Brown sat on the bench by the playground, crying as she watched their children play… Should have known when Luna told them she couldn't get pregnant, no matter what they tried… should have started to worry, when there were so many families whose babies had been born dead…

But no… they were too invested into their own domestic bliss, that the worries of others didn't seem to touch them.

Her and Ron, Ginny and Harry… their children were healthy and strong from the minute they entered this world. No question they should have started to worry. And maybe because they fought for so long… they now wanted to forget the worries of others… What could they have done for them?

There must have been something…

It took six years... six years after the war, and the catastrophe hit. The numbers of wizarding children, born alive, were so alarming even the ministry realized they needed to take action.

And in times of crises… it's so easy for the fanatics to gain power again…

Finally, it was Kingsley Shacklebolt… Their Kingsley Shackelbolt! The good guy! Who made all they had fought for crumble in on itself…

Kingsley, who stood in front of the crowd and announced The Law, the new order of the wizarding community in England.

The Law, you either followed or got banished… only no one got banished… nowadays it was commonly known, they executed the rebels… and no one said anything.

Under The Law, the worst kinds of crimes were not killing, or torturing, or kidnapping, or raping, anymore… the worst kind of crime was to defy The Law because that meant killing the wizarding kind…

The Law defined their places now:

In the new order, the society was ruled by commanders. They were the royalty of this new world. The high ranking men, members of Wizgemont, the heads of old pureblood families… Even if it wasn't so much about the blood anymore, but the wizarding heritage. If you had strong roots in magic, no one really cared about blood… It just happened to be, that those who had the strongest roots, were pureblooded.

So, the same people who fought for Voldemort last time were the once to gain power this time also. But the issue in hand was so large, no one seemed to care… They could rule if it meant the wizarding race would continue to exist.

Then there were commanders' wives… the royal ladies. They wore blue as a sign of their status. Their job was to hold events and stand by their man's side. To be the strong supporters of The Law.

The Marthas were the housekeepers, usually elderly women who couldn't have children anymore. The commander families usually had one or two. They did the housework, cooked and cleaned, like house elves… They wore green.

The order was kept by The Soldiers, who patrolled the streets and guarded the families. And The Eyes, who were the spies for the Ministry. They infiltrated to the society as normal people but reported all the violations of The Law. And if you violated the law and got caught, you were not pardoned… ever… it was one mistake and you'd be gone, never to be seen again.

Aside from those holding power, the ordinary people, who were called The Herd, lived their life under strict rules and codes of conduct. They wore only grey and were kind of invisible people. If you behaved, they let you live in peace…

Then there were them… The women who wore red and walked the streets in pairs… The women with strong magic and working ovaries… the Handmaids… One for each commander family… Their job was to bear children for the commanders. They were the hope of the wizarding lines… but truthfully, they were prisoners… Stripped all their rights and individuality…

All this has started so unseemingly…

Little by little The Law defined their life more and more: It limited the uses of magic for only certain purposes. And what it did to women… it made them the property of their men. The man was the head of the house, and therefore responsible for their women. And a woman was only good for one thing: baring wizarding children. If you couldn't do it, your life was worth nothing.

The Heard women, who had no children should keep their mouth shut and eyes low, for they were worth nothing for the society… you stepped out of line once and you'd be gone… because why would they save you? When you were worth nothing…

Them, Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione… They never had a chance to be just The Heard… But the time they realized something was badly wrong, it was too late.

The time they gathered The Order, or what was left of the order, together… it had gone too far already.

McGonagall couldn't hold Hogwarts out of it, because the ministry had already assigned new teachers and forced the old ones to their new rules. They had tried their best… the teachers… but when professor Sinistra had been executed in front of their eyes and professor Sprout imprisoned, for their lack of cooperation, everyone had shut their mouth. And Minerva, once again, had to think she'd be more useful if she just seemingly followed the rules. At least she could protect the children while they were at school.

Harry and Ron worked for the ministry… and still, they hadn't seen this coming… not before it was too late.

Maybe it was because up until now they could have trusted their status. They had been important, so they'd be safe… but after The Law was announced, their stupid Gryffindor bravery kicked them on the gut.

They screamed too loud, that this was insanity! That they couldn't do this to people. But The Law was stronger…

She knew they'd lost when she was invited to the ministry one morning… she knew they wouldn't be left to live in peace.

The moment she got the call, she knew it was too late… That they should have seen this coming… they should have run a long time ago… and it was too late now…

"Ron!" She told her husband… her sweet, sweet husband who had stood by her side for so long… "If I'm not back before the night, take the children and run!"

Of course, Ron had protested… but she had insisted, "Call Harry and take him and kids with you. I bet Ginny has been called too. Please, Ron! Don't try to act brave by saving me! Keep the children safe. I'll find you when I get out."

She still feels it, the dread for her children… her witty and clever, beautiful Rose and her sweet, brave Hugo… They were six and four the time she last saw them, that morning…

What happened to them? She has no idea… she can only hope, that for once, Ron listened to her and really left. That their children are safe somewhere out of this horrible place…

The thought of her children, safe, was the only thing keeping her alive anymore… the only reason she didn't jump off the bridge or hang herself to the lamp of her room… If she'd only knew they were ok…

That morning she had gone to the ministry... and been taken straight to the Red Center… six months and there was no fight left in her anymore…

Under pressure, even the strongest ones of us break…


	2. Hermione

 

 

 

**CHAPTER 1**

Oflucius

That's my name now. Has been for some months.

It's a stupid name, I think.

But somehow it helps me to survive, to be called by some other name than my own.

With a different name, it's easier to think it's not me who's going through this hell.

But someone different. Someone with a stupid name…

I'm the handmaid of the Malfoy family. And here and alive for one thing… and one thing only… to bear living, strong, magical children for the Malfoy line.

That's my duty, defined by The Law. And The Law has given me two options: I can fulfill my duty or die.

And really, I want to die…

And I would if it wasn't for Ron and my children.

I can't die… Not, if I don't know what has happened to them…Not before I can be sure her children are safe.

Not before I can be sure my daughter will not grow up in a world where The Law defines her place and worth.

So, I endure… Put on my red dress and the white bonnet and bite my lip.

But the truth is, it's only partly because of my children… and partly because this is hopeless… because I can do nothing else than to obey… there's no rebellion… no The Order Of The Phoenix… nothing and no one to save me from this.

The show just goes on and on, week after week, and the longer it goes on, the harder it gets to remember their faces.

The longer it goes on, the less I remember what it was like to be me and the more the role of Oflucius becomes who I am now…

My name means I'm the property of Lucius… Or Commander Malfoy, nowadays…

the same man who supported Voldemort… The same man who taught his son to despise all the mudbloods' with passion…

In this new world, that same man wants me to bear him children, more than anything.

Not so many years ago I was the filth under their shoes and my blood was worthless… Now, I'm the most valued possession of all…

No, that's wrong… I'm not the most valued possession… my muddy blood is… my ovaries are...

I'm still a filth under their shoes… but my magical genes are not.

.

.

.

Truthfully if you'd look at this as a complete outsider, it wouldn't look so bad;

I have a room of my own, a big bed, even a bathroom… it's not the most inspiring room, but it's my space… I can be alone here.

I walk on their halls and no one insults me…not even the paintings.

Most of the days' everyone just pretends like I was air.

I sit at their table and eat their food… and they all ignore me.

The Martha, Sophie, keeps me company in the kitchen if I want to … She doesn't talk much though… so mostly we just sit in silence….

No one in this house talks much… Usually, the only sound in these halls is the clicking of Narcissa's knitting needles.

It's so ironic… how they thought they were the only ones privileged to do magic, but somewhere on the way they, too, were denied that privilege…

Narcissa, like all other women nowadays, can use a wand only for limited purposes...and like all women, she can't read or write either… so she knits…and hopes I give her a child to take care of.

Draco and Astoria are here also. They have their own quarters in the east wing.

And they have a son…Scorpius… He's eight… same as my Rosie…

Under The Law, they are just part of The Heard now, since Lucius is the head of the family and therefore a Commander.

But I assume if they can't reproduce any more children, Draco will be made commander and they'll be given their own Handmaid… A strong line of magical blood, you see…

But for now, they are left to try to have another child on their own.

Sophie told me it's not going so well… After Scorpius, Astoria has given birth to two premature babies, both dead, and had around three miscarriages… The weight of it is starting to show from the faces too.

Most days Astoria looks sick… her once so fair skin is nearly as grey as her clothes and there are dark shadows under her eyes.

Draco, I see rarely, but he always looks angry… and worn… and grey is definitely not his color…

But the Malfoys supported The Law, so I can't find it in me to pity them… I hope they're happy now! I hope they got what they asked for…

Scorpius is the only person in this house who talks to me like I'm a person. He's a surprisingly happy child in this otherwise gloomy world…and his innocence sometimes makes me even smile…

So, most of the days it's not that bad… if you wouldn't know all that's hiding underneath…

The worst part happens once a month…

It's called the ritual… ritual? seriously!? It's not a ritual, It's a violation!

I'd say a rape, but I'm not sure it can be counted as one since I never fight back… since I just lie there and let them do things to me…

Someone would call me a sex slave… but I think, it's not true either… If I was a sex slave I'd be used for pleasure, or kink, or something like that…

A broodmare, that's what I'm.

And object with no soul... no feelings… nothing but a walking womb…

Like I was not a human laying on my back, while Narcissa sits behind me and holds my wrists…

And Lucius does his duty: Stick it in… inseminate… done….

Thinking about it now, makes me want to hurl…

I've learned to disconnect myself from the situation… like it wasn't me… like it wasn't my body… Like I was watching somewhere above, what they do…

Month-after-month I pray it worked and pray it didn't…

Because being pregnant would mean I'd probably be treated better… but being pregnant would also mean bringing an innocent child into this fucking twisted world.

And how could I protect another child, when I was not strong enough to protect the ones I already had?

.

.

.

Why don't I try to run?

Why won't I just disappear into the crowd and run away?

I'm already living like a muggle… and my wand has been cut in half… so it would be easy to blend into muggle society… never to return….

But it's not that simple… they're everywhere, The Soldiers… not to mention The Eyes… and they won't just let me go and turn into a muggle.

Under The Law, all magical genes are a possession of the ministry… so if I run, they'd haunt me down…

Even that would be ok… if I knew my children were safe… If I knew, that me rebelling, won't hurt them… But what if they got caught? What if my actions hurt them… If they were punished for things I did wrong?

I can't take that risk…

Because my only priority is to have my children safe…

And if by obeying their rules, I'll keep them safe, I don't care what is done to me…

Every night I lay on my bed awake and stare at the ceiling… humming a lullaby I used to sing to them… trying to remember how they looked like… how they sounded like…

Trying not to forget…

.

.

.

Twice a week I'm allowed to go out… to the Red Center, a place where they teach us our place, to listen to the word. That means The Law and the history behind it.

Week-after-week we watch charts about the birth rate and figures of magical children born under The Law.

I'm not sure how much of it is true and how much just a propaganda… So that we'd feel more important and less forced…

It's bullshit!

The only good thing is that I get to meet my fellow Handmaids, and even if our conversations are limited, their presence gives me comfort.

I sit next to Ginny and she holds my hand… and it helps me remember who I really am.

Ginny's new identity is Ofblaise, she is the Handmaid of the Zabini family.

It's a different arrangement because Zabini doesn't have a father… he's one of the youngest commanders. From what I've heard, up until the Annunciation of The Law, Zabini didn't have a wife either, so they assigned Daphne Greengrass for the job.

That's what The Law does: shows you your place, even when you thought you were safe…

The same thing happened to Pansy Parkinson. Her family was a strong supporter of the Law. And I think they thought their daughter was safe because she was married to Theo Nott and they were both pure-blood, like Draco and Astoria. The only problem was, they had a daughter… a daughter they wanted to protect…

What happened, I've only heard rumors about, but it seems they tried to run away...

We were there, serving as witnesses as they were brought to the central square of Hogsmeade for their hearing.

That's how justice is implemented now: by bringing people in front of the crowd and make them pay for their actions. Usually by torturing them…

Like Voldemort did…

The verdict is always irreversible… for them it meant that their daughter was taken away, Theo was imprisoned (which means he was probably executed) and Pansy was forced to take on the red...

And if it wasn't bad enough, she is now Ofcaius… The handmaid of the Nott family...

It's fucking sick!

I know it sounds like all the commander families are Slytherin….and I wish that was the case… it would be easy to think it's the same villains as the last time… but no…

I don't even like to think of them… the commander families who used to be on our side!

But every week, I have to, because their Handmaids are here… so their names hang in the air… reminding me, that nothing in this world is good anymore… That even the best of us can't escape the Law…

Ofkingsley… the Handmaid of Schaklebolt's

Oflogan… the Handmaid of McMillian's… Ernie serves as a solder, making sure everyone follows the command…

Ofrobert… The Handmaid of the Brown family… Lavender can't have children, so she is safe for now…

But the ones that hurt me the most, even if I try to think they are as forced to do it as I'm… Are the people I used to know…

Ofbill… The Handmaid of the Weasley family… I can imagine Fleur in her blue dress, knitting like Narcissa…

And the worst is Ofneville… The Handmaid of the Longbottom family…

I have no idea what they've done to make Neville of all people consent to this… and I hope to god their Handmaid is treated better than I am… I hope they call her by her real name at least…

There are only a few young people as commanders… I think it's because they can't trust us, the generation who fought side by side to defeat Voldemort, to treat each other like this… We wouldn't just obey…

That's why our voices are silenced and people like Zabini and Neville are made commanders only when that's the only option…

With horror I wait for the day when one of the girls, wearing a red dress, tells me her name is Ofharry… up until now, no one has…

I hope it means they're still on the run…

"How are you?" I whisper to Ginny when no one's watching… We are not really allowed to have a conversation outside of daily pleasantries: The weather is good, life is good thanks to The Law, praise the ministry… shit like that…

She only shrugs, "same…"

It means she manages… That it hasn't gone worse… that she is not pregnant…

"you?"

I nod, "same…"

"I think our driver is an eye…" She whispers, trying to move her lips as little as possible.

I nod again… She's probably right… Like I said earlier, they don't trust the younger generation.

I mean, I wouldn't trust Blaise Zabini and Daphne Greengrass to go through the rituals and follow all the rules, if someone wasn't watching…

But we can't talk here…

the only place we can exchange even some words is when we walk back to the apparition point.

The guards follow us, but at least they won't hear our every word …

The Law says the Handmaids need to walk in pairs… my pair is Ofcaius… I mean Pansy…Or the shadow that once was her…

Ginny and her pair, Ofrobert… I don't even know her real name… walk only two steps behind us…

"I think I should tell them… " Ginny whispers. I hear her only barely… She's still talking about her commander and the commander's wife... We can't call them Blaise and Daphne out in the open…

"Why?"

I feel Pansy's posture straighten next to me… And only now do I realize: Daphne was her best friend before…

"Mostly because I think repositioning would be worse than staying," Ginny says... and Pansy takes a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant." She suddenly breaths out… this is not a forbidden subject…So we all stop.

"Oh god…" I look at her and she looks like she is about to burst into tears at any moment.

I'm not sure am I allowed to do that, but I put my arms around her and hug her close… because she looks like she needs a hug.

And she starts to cry against me…

"Hey!" The Guard yells, but I give him a stern look.

"She's pregnant, let her have a moment," I know it's good enough of a reason to hug and cry in the middle of the street.

The Guard knows it also, he lets us have a moment.

We used to be enemies… me and Pansy… I didn't like her one bit… but it was a long time ago… somewhere in a completely different time… and it feels absolutely ridiculous now… the reasons I hated her…

Here, we are on the same side. Here, I know what she is going through like she knows what I'm going through. Here, we are friends, brought together by horrible circumstances… Here, she has no one else…

She sobs into my neck, "I can't do this Hermione…"

I flinch by the sound of my name…

"I miss him so much…" She means her husband… who's likely to be dead.

I feel like crying too… but instead I stroke her hair shushing her gently: "It's going to be ok… You're going to be ok"

"You know it's not true" She sobs.

"Stay strong Pansy… for him… and her."

She knows what I mean and draws a shaking breath to calm herself.

Ginny pads her back too.

"You're not alone." She says quietly.

Pansy smiles at us weakly... and then to the guard, "It must be the hormones."

She's much stronger than she looks like… We're much stronger than we look like…

We have to be.


	3. Hermione

A catalyst… something to put things in action.

I think it was about a month after Pansy had told her news… The morning that changed the course of events.

I was walking down the stairs when I ran into Draco and Scorpius.

I'm used to him, Draco, looking angry and gloom, but today his face looks extremely dark.

He stops when he sees me.

"Grang… Oflucius," I don't remember him ever addressing me before, and he nearly slipped already, "I need to talk to my parents, can you look after Scorpius for a while?"

He's really asking… like I could say no.

So, he leaves the boy to stand there and rushes off.

Scorpius… who is a spitting image of his father when he was younger… just stares after him, and then to me with sad eyes.

"I think my mum is dead."

It takes me a while to understand what he's saying...

And when I realize the words, it takes another while for me to understand what he really means…

"Like figurately?" I ask dumbly…

But the boy shakes his head… "I think she jumped out of the tower… I heard dad yell."

"Oh my god..." I don't even know what I should do.

No eight-year-old should ever be in a situation where they just calmly explain their mother has committed a suicide.

"She was so sad…" The boy whispers.

But I've already done the only thing I can think of doing: fallen to my knees and pulled him to me.

And now he's crying, "I couldn't make her happy."

"Oh love, it wasn't your fault." I stroke his back hoping he believes me.

"It was all my sisters and brothers who died, wasn't it?" He sniffs and looks at me with his grey innocent eyes.

"I think so, yes…"

Because that's the truth…

"Why wasn't I enough?" his face crumbles again.

I don't know what to say… like I didn't remember how to comfort a child anymore…

"I'm sure your mother loved you very much… but her heart was just so broken."

I hold the crying boy in my arms in the dark corridor for a long time.

Then I take him to the dining hall, where Sophie gives him chocolate cake… like it would fix everything… but that's us adults: when a child is sad, give him cake…

He sits in my lap, eating the cake when rest of the Malfoys come in.

"Oflucius, leave!" Narcissa orders and I start to move Scorpius…

"No!" He protests, not getting off my lap. "Nana, I don't want her to leave."

He has forgotten the cake and taken a hold of my dress like he's much younger than his years… maybe losing a mother does that…

"This is family matters Scorpius, let her go." Lucius looks at the boy sternly.

"No!" Scorpius sounds like he might start to cry again… I don't really blame him… I think I want to cry too…

"Let her be Father…" Draco speaks up from the further end of the room.

"Draco, surely you understand…" Narcissa starts, but her son cut's her off: "He's just lost his mother!"

No one says anything for a while…

Scorpius buries his face to my chest… "I don't want you to go!" He yells with a voice muffled against me…

I know it's maybe not the wisest move, but I put my hands around him…

This little boy needs comfort… surely, they understand it.

But they don't…

"No," Says Lucius, comes to me and rips Scorpius from my arms, "This is family business… Leave!"

"NO! No! Let her stay! I want her to stay!" Scorpius yells heartbreakingly and tries to kick his grandfather without success.

"Scorpius, there are rules in this house," Narcissa warns him… but I think the little boy won't hear her.

"NONONONO! LET HER STAY! LET GO OF ME! I WANT HER! I WANT MY MOTHER! NOOOO…"

I have no option but to rush out of the room leaving the boy scream and cry in their hands… I run all the way to my room. Slam the door shut and put my hand to my mouth to stop the sob from escaping.

But the cries come out anyway… I fall on my knees and wail.

Cry for the little boy… For the broken girl, Astoria Greengrass was… for the cruelty of my masters… for the image of my children thinking their mother is dead… And even a little for Draco Malfoy, who just watched his wife fall to her end…

That's how The Law breaks us…

.

.

.

They say it's an accident… that she fell… A terrible accident… like everybody wouldn't know she jumped.

Her funeral is small.

I sit in the back row, in line with other Handmaids.

Today our bonnets and gloves are black… but our red dresses still mark us different from other mourners…

Even the wives wear black at funerals… but we don't… we're red… always red…

Red was my color… Our color… Gryffindor color… Now it's just a color of despair… or hope… depends on where you're standing…

The only one who seems to really care Astoria is dead is her sister.

Daphne sits in the front row and shakes from crying… and her so-called husband, sits next to her like he is stone…

Because The Law refuses him to comfort his wife in public places…

I do feel bad for her… She was her sister after all.

Pansy is crying too… silent tears fall to her cheeks, but she doesn't wipe them off… Maybe she is scared to move… maybe it's something else.

At the reception, Scorpius follows me around… every now and then Narcissa or Draco tries to call him away and he goes, but always returns.

He doesn't talk or try to make contact, just follows me and stands only inches apart when I stop.

I want to comfort him, but don't know how… so I hope staying close is enough of a comfort for now…

We stand as one red gathering in the corner of the room when the wives talk politely to each other…

My eyes follow Luna, who tries to stay close to Fleur, but is unwillingly fake smiling and making conversation with higher ranking wives too.

She used to be so free… so unique… in Bill's and Fleur's wedding she wore a yellow dress…

Now she walks in her high heels and her black pencil skirt, blending in the mass…

And every month she pins a girl's wrists down to the bed and holds her still when her husband… Neville, kind, sweet, brave, Neville…

I can't even think of it… I can't even imagine it happening… it's too horrible, too sad, too wrong.

"Are they even sad?" a little voice asks next to me.

I glance to Scorpius, "Of course they are."

"Nana's not… she's relieved! I heard her say that."

I swear in my mind… why can't they talk when he is out of the hearing range?

I bend so he can hear me better, "See that girl?" I nod at Daphne's direction, "You know who she is?"

"Sure, she's my auntie."

"Maybe you should ask her to tell you stories about your mother… from the time you were so small, you can't remember."

Scorpius goes, and I hope to god Daphne is in a mood of telling stories to a teary eight-year-old.

Luckily children are valued here… I see Daphne smile to the boy and start to talk.

"He likes you?" Ginny says lowly next to me.

I shrug, "I think he finds comfort in me..."

"Are you allowed to comfort him?"

"No, when the commander or his wife are around… otherwise yes."

"And their son?"

She means Draco…

"hasn't said anything…"

We are interrupted by Daphne, "Good day, Oflucius… Ofcaius… Praised be The Law."

We nod to her, me and Pansy… "Let the magic flow."

Those are the stupid greetings we need to keep repeating… Like they'd make us reproduce faster...

"Mrs. Nott tells me you're in a blessed state Ofcaius?" She asks in a high voice with not a trace of her earlier sorrow. If she is acting, it's quite impressive…

Pansy nods politely, eyes downcast.

"Well, that's wonderful news!" Daphne says and rushes to hug her like higher women hug their servants: Not quite sincerely…

But when she is close enough she whispers into her ear, "Pepi's fine, stay strong."

Pepi… Penelope… that's the name of their daughter…

Pansy's eyes go wide, but Daphne has already turned to Ginny, "Well, come Ofblaise, I think it's time for us to leave."

"yes, ma'am," Ginny follows her.

.

.

.

In the evening Scorpius sits at my feet, reading a book on the kitchen floor…

"Can you read for me?" He asks suddenly.

I shake my head, "It's forbidden, you know that dear."

He pouts… "It hasn't always been… I remember when Nana red for me in different voices… Why is it forbidden now?"

That's a relevant question… but before I get to answer, Draco steps into the room.

"Scorpius, time for bed."

"Can you read to me father?" He asks.

That seems to blow Draco off guard because he stops and stares at his son... "You can read…"

"Yes, but it's much nicer if someone reads for me! My eyes are tired and Lucy can't read for me because it's forbidden! Can you give her a special permission to read, father?"

The kitchen is dead silent… I don't even dare to breathe…

"What did you call her?" Draco's voice sounds dangerous.

"Lucy… It's easier.." Scorpius starts but Draco is now looking at me,

"Why haven't you told him to call you your real name?"

So I'm the one who gets the blame? Like I'd told him to defy The Law…

"I've never heard him call me that…" I start and rise my gaze to look at him, so he knows I'm telling the truth. But when my eyes meet his stormy ones, something in my brain clicks, "Besides he'd be in much more trouble if I had told him to call me my real name."

I stare at him and he stares at me, "Is this all a joke to you?"

"I don't know, does it look like I'm laughing?"

I don't know what it is in him that gets a rise out of me… It's like I can't resist retorting back… even when it's damn dangerous.

"You could get into serious trouble for that."

"Stop it, father! It's just a silly nickname I made up. She had nothing to do with it." Scorpius says louder.

Draco looks at him and then back at me, "Fine, we'll let it drop this time. But Scorpius, you have to remember, The Law says we have to call everyone by their real names!"

I snort unintentionally…

"FINE!" Draco glares at me "By the names The Law has ordered for them! So, she is Oflucius and nothing else."

"Okay, okay, but it's a stupid name…" The boy mutters as they leave the room.

.

.

.

The upside of Astoria's death is that Daphne and Blaise visit… that means Ginny comes with them… and even if we need to sit in the same room as the others, it offers us a chance to talk.

"I told them…" Ginny says, "About my suspicions about the driver…"

"What did they say?"

She shrugs, "Nothing much… but I think they didn't know… Daphne has started to take me to the gardens with her."

I raise my eyebrows.

"I mean, it's not like she is pouring her secrets to me all of a sudden… but at least someone talks to me! I'm so fed up with the silence!"

I know what she means…

"I think my brain cells die… little by little, because of the lack of intellectual conversations."

"I think that's what they want…" I mutter.

"It's funny, how priorities change… Before, I was ready to give anything just to get out of here… I mean I still want out, but even someone to talk to would be enough for now."

I nod, "Could you try and talk to her about it? That maybe we could get a permission to… I don't know… share tips about pregnancy? Even that would be something."

"I'll see what I can do…"

I turn to look at the table, where Draco sits with Blaise and Daphne, it seems they're not talking… everyone is staring in a different direction...

Lucius and Narcissa sit on the other end of the table, silent too…

"I think they'd be on our side…" Ginny whispers, still looking at the people on the table, "…if we rebelled… Blaise and Daph, I mean…"

I glance around nervously, "Don't! Talking like that is going to get you killed!"

"Death can't be that much worse…"

"And your children? if you're dead, how can you be sure Lily is not wearing a red dress in the future."

She closes her eyes… "I can't be sure that won't happen even if I'm alive."

"We'll figure something out! We always have…" I don't even believe it myself, but I need her to be strong!

"Oflucius! Ofblaise! What are you talking about?" Suddenly Narcissa is towering over us, in all her pureblood power.

We jump up, "Praised be The Law! We were just sharing tips, ma'am." I say, looking down, "About how to be more fertile…"

"I think it's time for you to go to your room Oflucius." She orders like I'm an unruly teenager. But I nod and leave the room.

All the way up I try to make myself believe the words I told Ginny: We'll figure something out! We always have…

.

.

.

One of the best parts of the otherwise dark and cold Malfoy manor is the rose garden.

The everblooming magical roses in all the colors you can think of.

Many days I sit on the ground in the garden and just breath in the intoxicating smell…

About a week after the funeral Scorpius starts to join me… I sit on the ground, Scorpius lies on the grass and Draco, who is supposed to keep his son company, sits on the bench staring ahead… like sleeping with his eyes open…

Sometimes Draco doesn't come… so I think he trusts me enough to leave his son alone with me… or he just doesn't care… I'm not sure.

One of those days, Scorpius has a large book with him.

"This is Hogwarts, A History. Have you read it?" He asks and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to answer… so I kind of nod and shake my head at the same time.

The boy sits on the ground… and starts to read…aloud…

"What are you doing?" I ask immediately… Is that even allowed?

"Reading… I'm a kid… I can read aloud if I want to." He says and actually smirks at me… and reminds me of another smirking blond boy… a long, long time ago…

So he reads my favorite book... and I listen… because what else can I do?

After two chapters we're interrupted by his father, "What on earth are you doing, Scorpius?"

"Reading. It's not forbidden is it?"

Draco glances at me.

"She hasn't' done anything… just sat there, like always." Scorpius says, "Can I continue?"

"Can't you read silently?"

"I want to keep up father! It's easier if I read it aloud."

A Slytherin… I think… Definitely a Slytherin…

And I think that's about the same what Draco thinks because he just sits on his bench and lets Scorpius carry on.

"Can you read father?" The boy offers him the book after a while.

"Not if she's around." Draco nods in my direction.

His son just shrugs and then carries on, reading aloud the secrets of our beloved school…

I think I'm about to cry…

When he reads about the secret passages Draco stops him,

"That's not all of them…"

Scorpius looks up, "What do you mean?"

"There's at least one more… in the Room of Requirement."

"And one under the Whomping Willow…" I say without thinking further.

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize my error.

But Draco doesn't react to my slip…

"You need to tell me more! Do you know about the Heir of Slytherin and the monster in the chamber of secret? The book doesn't say…"

"Scorpius…" His father interrupts him, "Move a little to your right." He glances to the manor, "If you sit behind that bush, they won't see you from the windows."

"And Granger…" He looks at me…

My heart takes an extra leap… I don't even remember who has called me that last… I haven't been Granger for years. But him, calling me that, makes me remember the girl… the hero… the one who thought good always conquered…

"When you talk… don't look at either of us… then it won't look like we're having a conversation."

"What did you call her father?" Scorpius asks, eyes wide.

"Her name."

I stare at the rose bushes like I was told to… blinking away tears.

"Is your name Granger? That's even sillier than Oflucius…"

"Granger is her last name…" Draco corrects,

"Actually…" I start to say, but they won't hear me…

"Hermione…" He says, and I snap my mouth shut… "That's her name."

I can feel his eyes on the back of my head... but I'm scared to move.

Only a week ago he told his son to call us by the names The Law defines... What has changed?

"Oh, that's a pretty name…"

I glance at Scorpius and smile.

Yes, that's a name of a brave girl, who fights for her rights… not a name of this broken person I've become.

"You must remember Scorpius, never to call her that when someone else hears," Draco says sternly.

I want to look at him… to show him I'm grateful… but I don't dare…

"Sure… so father, Hermione, can you tell me about the chamber of secrets?"

That's how it starts…

That's how we defy The Law… that's how we rebel…

We… Me, Hermione Granger… and Draco Malfoy… Sit in the rose garden, not looking at each other, but having a conversation… a real conversation… as two equal adults telling a story to a child…


	4. Ginny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write a story, only on Hermione's POV... but this world inspires me... so I thought I might write at least Ginny and probably Luna too. 
> 
> So this is going to be a Ginny chapter... And for your information: it's going to be a bit of Blinny... even if I totally ship Ginny with Harry, but this needs to happen... for the sake of the story... it's nothing permanent, I promise! 
> 
> Feedback is much appreciated !

**GINNY**

 

I sit on the edge of the balcony railing like I'm riding a broom.

With my eyes closed and the wind in my hair, I can imagine the crowd cheering and other players whipping past me.

I imagine soaring higher to the sky and then zooming past the beaters to catch the quaffle.

Faster, to the goal poles and past the keeper!

"Gin…"

I open my eyes and see Daphne… she's standing on the doorway looking at me worriedly.

The way she pronounces my name sounds like a weird gulp. But I know it's because if someone would hear her, they wouldn't immediately realize what she called me.

"What?" I ask her, not getting off my imagined broom, "it's not like I can fall…"

They're wiser than the Malfoys, who didn't have protections around the house to prevent people from jumping…

"What if he sees you?" Daph hisses, glancing across her solder.

She means Eric… their driver… who is also an Eye…

If he heard, what she calls me, she'd be in trouble… We'd all be in trouble…

"This is not forbidden." I raise my hands to my sides like wings.

She rolls her eyes, "Isn't it better to not attract attention?"

"I attract attention anyway…"

"Gin…"

I like that name… Harry used to call me that too… but here, I'd like to think about the meaning of the word: Gin…a strong alcohol…

"Fine…" I get down and follow her down the hall.

I've lived here, with her and Blaise, serving as Ofblaise for a little less than a year now.

I'm their Handmaid, and truth be told… I could be so much worse!

I feel guilty I can't tell Hermione that I'm actually quite ok living here with them.

I know I told her Daph takes me to gardens with her now like it's something completely new… when it isn't.

I know I tell her I'm "The same.." when she asks me and I know I give her an impression it's as hard for me as it's for the rest of the girls… but it's not…

I just can't blow my cover… I can't risk getting caught… because it's not only about me… it's this whole family… excluding Eric…

Blaise and Daphne are exactly that kind of commander pair, why they won't dare to make young people commanders.

They don't respect The Law one bit… I mean they pretend along with the others so that they don't get themselves… or us… killed… but inside the walls of the Zabini manor… They follow the law only when it's absolutely necessary… necessary means, when somebody might be watching…

And during these months we… Blaise and Daph and me and our Martha Janine, have created a unified front, that Eric buys gladly… so the ministry buys it too… and as long as we can pull it off, we're kind of safe.

The first step to coworking was to realize we were all forced to our positions.

Blaise didn't support the law… and did not want to be a commander, but he didn't have a choice. His family has always had power and they're an old pureblood line. So he was made commander.

Daphne had never settled down and never wanted children… she was fine flying around as a social butterfly and writing articles to different fashion magazines… but she was the heiress of the Greengrass line... so she needed magical offspring… I'm not sure if she really is infertile, or is it just a story she's told to avoid the red… I'm not sure if she has ever even tried to get pregnant…

Janine hated cooking… she once told me she bought a muggle microwave to her house so she didn't have to cook… even with magic, she thought it was dead boring.

For the first two months in this house, I was alone and miserable… Then in the evening of the third ritual, Daphne closed the bedroom door and I went to lie on my back on the bed… and then nothing happened…

"Get up Ginny." She said kindly, not like her usual ordering tone… I did as she said.

Blaise was there too… "We're not doing this… this is sick!" He said with a serious look on his face.

I open my mouth, and close it… and open it again, "But we have to! They are going to kill you if you don't!"

"I'm not forcing myself on you... It's not right."

"This is a private event anyway… they won't know what happens behind these doors… or what doesn't." Daphne cut in.

"But they will if I don't get pregnant! And then they will reposition me and if the next handmaid won't become pregnant either you'll be punished for not following orders…"

A year and a half… that's how long they will let us stay and if we don't get pregnant we're repositioned.

"Besides, I've had three children in six years… if I don't get pregnant they'll know something is wrong! And then they'll reposition me and I'll be taken somewhere where they think The Law is the truth and treat me like…"

"Fine! We get your point." Blaise raised his hands up, "What do you suggest?"

So we make up our own rules… We go through our ritual… but with a mutual agreement… I know they don't like it any better than I do. Daphne doesn't hold me down and Blaise does only what is absolutely necessary.

We play a united front to everyone else too: I'm the imprisoned handmaid…even to my best friend. Blaise is the young, committed commander, Daphne is the loyal, proud wife and Janine is the obedient Martha, and the manor is always spotlessly clean.

Truth be told, I'm not that miserable here.

I mean I do miss my family… but given the circumstance… I consider Daph and Blaise and Janine, my friends… my allies… And in a way, we are a family… glued together to stand united to defy the darkness.

.

.

.

Daphne rarely shows emotions… she cried desperately when her sister died.

We tried our best to comfort her, but I guess she felt guilty.

"I knew she was miserable… and I didn't help her… I did nothing…"

The other time she cried was after the funeral…

"How do you know about Pansy's daughter?" I asked her as soon as I got a chance.

"I sniffed around…" She says like she's indifferent…

But when I don't say anything else, she casts her eyes down…. and when she lifts her gaze again, there are tears in her eyes…

"I feel helpless… my sister is dead and my best friend… I can't help her… I can't save her or her child… I can't do anything but sit around and knit! I hate knitting!"

"I know… I feel helpless too…" I mutter, and she smiles at me wetly.

"Sorry Gin… I know things are bad for you too…"

"We need to stay strong! We'll figure something out! We always have…"

I know I'm repeating Hermione's words… And I want them to be true…so bad.

We have a ritual that night. Since we decided to play with our own rules it has changer our outtake…

I lie on my back and Blaise is between my legs… and Daphne sits behind me and talks to me, like what we do is completely ordinary…

Today she feels playful…

"Places you've done it? let's take turns and see who's done worse…" She smirks, "I'll start: the Gryffindor commons."

"You snake…" I actually laugh, "okay, the astronomy tower."

"The Room of Requirement."

"The trophy room"

"The perfect's bath"

"The owlery…"

"Eww…" She wrinkles her nose, "The forbidden forest...

"The Quidditch pitch."

"The potions lab…"

"The chamber of secrets…"

her eyes go wide, "No!"

"Girls!"

We look down at Blaise. His cheeks are flushed and there's sweat on his forehead, "Little help here, maybe?"

And we actually giggle, me and Daph… because we totally forgot what's happening... and the situation is so utterly absurd.

"Sorry, Blaise… just think of us… Doing it… in some of those places…"

Things really are what you make of them… even sex… if you see it only as a performance… without deeper meanings, it's exactly that…

.

.

.

"I think we have a problem…" Daph says when my period starts again… "Like you said… you had three children in six years… it shouldn't be this hard…"

"Maybe it's the stress and the dread…" I suggest.

"Maybe it's me?" Blaise looks at us worried…

"Or maybe it's the lack of enthusiasm…"

"Daph, I don't know what they told you about getting pregnant, but it doesn't work like that…" I roll my eyes.

She shrugs and takes a sip of her red wine, "I've heard it helps if you get an orgasm…"

Blaise snorts and I kick Daphne's leg under the table, "Daph!"

"Well, I think it wouldn't hurt to try..."

"What are you implying?" Blaise looks at his wife eyebrows raised…

"Maybe we should try a different setting…"

"like?" I'm not sure I like what I think she is saying.

"I don't know… maybe you could pretend to have…a one-night stand or something…"

"And you'd be watching?" Blaise smirks knowingly to her.

"Well no, I'm not a pervert…"

"Could have fooled me…ouch!" I kicked Blaise under the table and not as kindly as I did Daph…

"Crazy lady! Handmaid can't kick their commanders under the table!"

"I'll show you what Handmaid can or can't do!" I kick him again, but not as hard.

"Come on, guys! Don't you think it's worth a try?"

Truth be told, I'm not completely against it… could be fun … for a change…

Harry's eyes flash my mind… I love him! I will always love him!

In a normal situation, I wouldn't even be considering this… but this is nowhere near a normal situation…

My love doesn't do him much good if I'm dead… And my best chance of staying alive is to stick with these Slytherins, I consider my friends…

I refuse to feel guilty… this is for survival!

.

.

.

"So..." We are standing in Daphne's bedroom and it's ritual night again… She is eying us curiously…

"What do we do?" Blaise asks sounding unsure.

"I think you should play a little game of play pretend… Let's see," She smiles widely at me, "You've met at a bar… a Muggle bar… and you haven't seen each other in years… and you've ended up in playing a game of Never-have-I-ever… and it turns out you've never been with a Slytherin…"

"Is this a plot for your new erotica?" I ask sarcastically.

"poof…" She waves away my comment, "Build on that… I'm going to take a bath!"

She disappears into the bathroom, just like that…. like this was normal…

All the weird things become normal when you fear for your life, it seems.

"I could go with that," Blaise shrugs…

Well, what gives… I shrug... and suddenly he's standing pretty close.

"So Weaslette…" He whispers close to my ear…

"That's no my name anymore."

"Well, I'm definitely not going to call you Potter!" He trails feather like kisses in my neck and bites my earlobe.

I laugh breathlessly… how long has it been since last time… the real last time… if the rituals don't count…

"Never been with a Slytherin huh?" He asks with a low seductive voice.

He's tall and dark and well built… and completely opposite to Harry…

I look him boldly in the eyes… "Nah, I lied… Just wanted to get out of there…"

"Really," His breath is on my face and I feel this game already working, "Was he any good?"

I shrug, "Let's just say you have a lot to live up to…"

He kisses me and tangles his hands to my too long hair, that hasn't been cut in ages…

And as I kiss him back, memories flood back to me…

Because this is not the first time I'm kissing Blaise Zabini… He's my 'trophy room'… in the seventh year… when Harry was gone, and the world was dark… funny how extreme situations bring us together…

He pins me against the wall and I wrap my legs around him… we're not taking it slow… but this is part of the ritual after all…

Behind my closed eyes, images flash by… Images of Harry… when we were wild and young… and when we were married and tender… and Images of Blaise… last time in the trophy room… when we were joking and laughing and then suddenly kissing…

His movement is so different from Harrys, I couldn't imagine him to be Harry even if I tried… so I don't…

Am I guilty for not thinking of my husband when another man fucks me?

I'm not… and I'm not even sorry for that…

extreme situations need extreme measures…

We share hard open-mouthed kisses and I moan against his mouth…

It feels good… there's no denying… for a long time, I thought it'll never feel good again…

I look at him as he thrusts into me… and he stares at me with glazed eyes…

He's not Harry… but he'll do, for now…

It doesn't need much to send me over… and I bite down to his shoulder when the world explodes… and he follows straight after with a grunt.

"Well, I hope that did it…" I say as I adjust my red dress.

He looks dazed but nods and the same time Daph emerges from the bathroom. "You done?"

I have no idea why she looks so cheery… like she had a secret agenda…

maybe I'll never know…

We sit in the kitchen afterward drinking a late-night tea… or in Daphne's case wine… I drink some fertility boosting tea that tastes horrible…

"Doesn't it bother you?" I ask her when I'm sure no-one else is listening.

"What?" She asks sipping her wine.

"What Blaise has to do?"

"Why would it bother me? other than it's sick and wrong that he's forced to do that…?" She raises her eyebrows at me.

"He's your husband…" I know it is, kind of, arranged… but there's definitely a connection between them… I've seen it.

"He's my friend… has been since we were kids. I was never romantically interested in him… I mean I'm glad The Law made us partners… I can't even imagine getting paired with someone… someone who truly supported it… but we're still mostly that… friends."

"Don't you miss it? Romance?" I pause, "Sex? I know I would if I was in your position…"

She laughs and takes another sip from her glass, "I said he is my friend… it doesn't mean we don't do anything."

"DAPH! It's forbidden! The spouses…" I start but she cuts me of…

"Come on, we do much worse things that are also forbidden!"

"What if you got pregnant?" I lower my voice so there'll be no chance anyone would accidentally hear us.

"I won't… I've taken care of it. Don't worry we won't get caught… besides," She gives me her best Slytherin smirk, "He's my husband."

I have to smile at her… and she smiles back… and I'm glad she is my friend… I'm glad they both are… if this horror brought something good to my life, it was these people, these Slytherins who I could trust my life with… Who I know is on my side… and it gives me comfort.

And comfort and protection will be what I need… when three weeks later there are two lines in my muggle pregnancy test….

 


	5. Luna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support! And i do need to warn you: It's getting even darker... But you know, it's always darkest before the dawn...

**LUNA**

.

_"Your children are your ticket to the eternity."_

My father used to say that… when he was alive and there was still hope I'd someday have children of my own…

And then he died… and so did my hopes for my ticket to the eternity…

But we were going to be fine… me and Neville… We were going to accept the fact we'll never be parents and carry on doing other important things in our lives…

After all, we had each other… we needed to trust it was enough…

But before we got to that… before our new happily ever after even got to begin... the men knocked at our door…

And that's when the nightmare began…

In my life, I've lived through several nightmares: the first in which my mother died…and the second where I lay months in the cell of the Malfoy Manor…

But this newest one outdid them all… This one is called The Law…

At first, we had no idea how severe it was…

First, they just wanted to make Neville Commander, because he was the only surviving member of the Longbottom line… and I as his wife, became a high ranking lady, a commanders wife…

But it didn't end there… no… it only began there…

Some months later they brought a girl to our door… a pretty young girl wearing a red dress and a white bonnet…

This is your handmaid… they said… She is your possession now… they said… she is named after the commander, Ofneville… they said… she will bear children for your line….

She will be the one you rape every month… That they didn't say… but that's what read between the lines…

Of course, we said no… we said this was unacceptable…

But The Law said yes…and no one said no when The Law said yes…

Now we are being watched 24/7… there are always two soldiers following us around… no one has said it, but our Martha is an Eye…

And then there's an implant… under my skin, just above my ear… and our guards hold the detonator… if either of us steps out of line… they activate the implant…and boom… my head is going to explode…

That's why we have no choice but to follow the rules…

I think the implant will finally be my ticket to eternity…

This is worse than being in a prison cell… in a prison, everyone knows you're there because you did or didn't want to do something… that you somehow resisted…

But this act we have to put up… even to each other… It's a prison in our minds…

The Law defines our every action… from the first light of morning to the final hours of a day… I'm never alone… someone is always following… I can't even touch my husband… I can't talk to him about anything… I can't lean on him… I'm just alone… with the thoughts in my head.

According to the Law… the ritual is supposed to happen only between a commander, a wife, and a Handmaid… but in our case… we are too much of a risk… our solder sits in the room through the whole event.

So I concentrate to lock my eyes with Neville's as I hold down the girl between us…

I want to tell her I'm so sorry…

but more than that, I want to tell him I'm sorry…. I'm sorry I can't do more for him… that I couldn't give us the one thing we needed to not be put through this hell…

I often hear him cry in his room… and I can't do anything for him… I can't even tell him, that He's the only reason I'm alive anymore…

That the memory of us… before all this, keeps me sane… keeps me going on…

Because as long as I have us, I have hope…

I love him more than I love my life… He's the only person who ever got me… who smiled at me kindly and was willing to look at the world like I saw it…

He never doubted that nargles were real… he never questioned things that others found crazy… He's my hero, my partner, my soulmate… and not any law can change that!

I just wish I got to tell it to him too… so that I can be sure, he's not going to give up either…

.

.

.

There has to be something… anything, we can do… Some loophole…

But we were never Harry or even Ron or Hermione… They were the action…

I was the insight...

and Neville was the kindness…

We were warriors when we needed to be... but we were never the initiators...

Little by little, it feels like the only way of escaping is dying…

Maybe if we died together, we could be together in some other life… maybe we'd find each other again…

But what if not? What if we died an I'd never get to be with him again?

I love him too much, to take that risk…

Besides what good would it be to anyone if we just died?

It wouldn't change a thing… if I died someone else would take my place… if we both died, the only thing it would do is that the Longbottom line would die out and our Handmaid would be repositioned…

So no… if we're going down it should even make some difference!

.

.

.

I'm not sure which is worse… sitting alone at home with my thoughts… or sitting with the other wives.

The commanders attend meetings about twice a week… and mostly us wives won't go with them… but when we do we sit in a different room and socialize…

Usually, it means, we sit in a room divided into two groups: The wives who supported this and are ok with their position and us, the wives who were forced to this and play our roles because we have to…

Then there are some, like Daphne Greengrass, who seems to be neither… she's so good at playing both sides it amazes me… She is so at home in her skin, and in her role as a wife… but I've seen her sniffing around… I've heard her whisper forbidden words to the Handmaids… I know there's something going on with her…

But as I said… I was always the insight… so I'm pretty sure no one else has noticed.

Hermione and Ginny are both handmaids…and they look defeated … I wonder if they have implants in their heads to keep them in line too…

I think seeing them defeated like that, took most of the other people down too… like all hope was lost when the heroes, too, fell…

And even with time, their men: The chosen one, Harry Potter and the king, Ron Weasley, never came for them…

never barged in to save the world… it must mean the world has no chance…

I know it isn't like that, but the rest of them don't… They'd need a symbol of hope… and right now… there is none…

Fleur is my closest ally… but we don't get to talk much… usually, our conversations go like this:

"Praised be The Law."

"May the magic flow."

"Have you been blessed with luck already?"

That means, is our handmaid pregnant already…

"Unfortunately no, how about you?"

"I'm afraid not…"

And that's it… And the same goes on with other wives…

The other good subject is the weather:

"It was a beautiful day yesterday!"

"Oh, yes just delightful!"

No, it wasn't…

That's what I meant… prison in our minds…

Sometimes I'm thankful to be so used to spending time in my own head… I used to do it all the time… at Hogwarts especially… before I met them all…

I play songs in my head… make conversations… ask questions… it keeps me grounded…

"Mrs. Longbottom?"

See now, I had no idea someone was talking to me… but she is standing there, with one eyebrow raised…

"Yes, Mrs. Zabini. You look well." I think I was supposed to praise the law… but I told you she's up to something… So, I try to push the limits…

"Why, thank you… you look splendid yourself." She slaps my arm playfully and lets out a laugh… that most people would believe is genuine… but not me.

"How are things at the Longbottom manor?"

"Oh, just…great." My voice sounds foreign to me… like I was acting to be someone I'm not… I was never that good at being something I'm not.

"Good to hear. What do you think of the weather?"

I look at her and I think my eyes are slightly too wide… because she gives me a little nod… She's not really talking about the weather.

"I hope it would be sunshine soon… the rain forces me to stay inside so much." I answer and hope we're talking about the same thing here.

It hasn't rained in months... luckily, no one is paying attention to us at the moment...

"Tell me about it!" She agrees, with a fake excitement, like she knew what I was talking about...

"It was nice talking to you Mrs. Longbottom, I think I go powder my nose now."

She floats off with her heels clicking.

I wait for a minute… then I check that no one is watching me and follow her.

Lucky, that in a house full of people we're trusted to spy on each other so much, the soldiers won't follow us to the bathroom…

Like I thought, Daphne has left the door unlocked, so I slip in and lock it after me.

I'm about to open my mouth, but hurriedly she lifts her finger to her lips.

Then offers me a notebook.

Women can't write or read here… and I have no idea how she got a pen… but she writes down:

_Better not talk, someone might be listening!_

I nod.

_We're on the same side._

I nod again… I knew that already.

_How are you holding up, really?_

I roll my eyes, as to say: what do you think.

_How many guards?_

I take the pen:  _at least 2, every hour and our Martha is an eye. Probably driver too._

 _likely_. She answers

_We're not really allowed to talk in the house._

_What about the ritual nights?_

_We are not left alone for the ritual._

she looks at me with wide eyes,  _At night?_

_Been too afraid to take the risk…_

I show her the place my implant is…

_one stray step and I'm dead._

_Shit…_  She writes and bites her lip.

Then suddenly she hugs me… I've never even talked to her before The Law…and at school I thought we were not that friendly… but she's hugging me like...a friend…

Then she writes down:  _Don't worry… I'll talk to Blaise and Ginny… we'll figure something._

_Why now?_

I mean it… why only now… after months and months…

_Someone has to do something!_

I nod again.

 _Stay strong! try to get to talk to your husband!_  She writes.

Then she takes the paper tears it to pieces and flushes it down the toilet.

And again, with the clicking of her heels, she is gone.

A symbol of hope…

maybe this time around it's the shape of a snake…

.

.

.

The night is the only time I can even think of talking to Neville…

I know they patrol the corridors, but If I get from my room to his without being seen, we could have a chance to talk.

But that means I need to be able to slip two ways without being noticed.

That night I stand at my door and listen to the guard march past.

Neville's room is on the other floor… so I have to slip past the guard, to the staircase and up before he gets back… I have about two minutes to do that…

getting back will be harder because the guard will be walking towards me…

My heart is pounding in my ears as I try to listen to the footsteps…

past my door, around the corner.

I open the door as fast as I can do it silently... and slip into the corridor.

And then I run… on my toes, my nightgown flowing… to the staircase and up the stairs… I jump over the thirteenth step, that creaks if you step on it and then I'm at his door. I glide in and close it behind me…

I made it!

I'm in his room… and no one saw me!

I let out a nervous giggle...

At first, I don't even realize Neville, who's standing in the middle of the room like he's ready for a fight.

I guess he jumped out the bed as the door opened.

"Luna?" There's disbelief in his voice.

But I'm just so happy to see him… like I haven't really seen him in all the months we've been living this half-dead life.

I laugh silently and jump to his arms.

Wrap my hands around him and bury my face to his neck.

I'm here… we're together… that's all that matters.

"I missed you," I whisper.

"This is dangerous, what if they catch us?"

"They didn't see me… they won't! I needed to see you! We can't keep living like this!"

"I'm not sure if this is even called living…" He mutters, still holding me to him.

"no, but we'll get through it! We're in this together!"

He looks at me sadly, "I'm so tired Luna… I can't… it feels like there's nothing left of me anymore."

"Of course there is… that's why we're still here…"

"I feel so bad for… for you… for that girl…" He means the Handmaid, "What's her name even?"

I shake my head… because I have no idea… I never dared to ask…

"For everybody… and so helpless… it's like whatever I do, it just damages someone…"

I hold him close again… I could tell him it's ok, but I won't…because it's not.

"Even trying to protect you makes me feel guilty… like I'm prioritizing your life above a hundred others… because that's what I'm doing…. keeping in line and bearing all this horrible things because I'm afraid they'll hurt you…" He is shaking his head now, "I can't lose you, Luna… without you, there's nothing…"

I caress his cheek, "Nev, it's ok… I'd do it for you… anyone of our friends would do… are doing, exactly the same… that's why there's no resistance… we all have too much to lose…"

"this is never going to end is it?"

"No, it has to! Everything ends… one way or another… Daphne and Blaise are up to something. She told me to talk to you… she said she'll talk to Blaise and… Ginny… and they'll figure something out… Nev, I think you should try to get close to Zabini somehow."

"But he's a Slytherin…"

"Don't you think this goes beyond houses?"

"I… of course… but it's suspicious if I suddenly start to talk to him…"

"Well, you're already a commander… you'll figure out a way. I'll help!"

"I feel like there's nothing going on in my head but dread… I was always useless…"

"Don't!" I whisper and take his face in between my hands to make him look me in the eyes, "You know it's not true."

Our lips meet, and he pulls me closer… and I've missed him so, so much.

Kissing him feels like breathing life into me again… like remembering how it felt like to be alive…

He's part of me…

With him, I'm more myself than I'm alone…

Together we're not just the insight and the kindness… We are also the wit and the courage… and we can pull this off!


	6. Hermione

**HERMIONE**

I'm not sure why I won't even try to tell Ginny what's going on in my house…

She asks me how I am and I tell her, same…

But nothing is the same… Everything is different…

Because I have hope again… Because I don't feel so dead inside anymore…

Our afternoons in the rose garden keep me alive.

An enthusiastic boy, reading a book and asking questions… taking in our answers, listening to our stories… Keeps me alive…

When we are alone… the three of us… Scorpius calls me Hermione and Draco calls me Granger… like he always has…

I've never thought, hearing my name… or not even my name… before all this, my name was Hermione Weasley… Hermione Weasley was a wife and a mother… But Hermione Granger, she wasn't just a hero! She was a badass! That is why it feels so good to be called her again.

And the power those afternoons give me, makes me realize I was walking in haze before.

The Red Center is meant to break us and that's exactly what it did… they blackmailed, whipped, tortured and brainwashed the fight out of us… Every spark of hope we might have had… all the spirit… was broken, before they dressed us into our costumes and sent us to our commanders…

And getting the spirit back alone, seemed nearly impossible…

I wasn't alone now…

I've gotten myself back!

Until the next ritual…

It feels like they knew I'm doing something forbidden… like they want to punish me… or maybe it's because Astoria is dead and they need to work extra hard for the continuum of the line…

Tonight, Narcissa holds my wrists harder than normally… like she was afraid, I'm going to fight her…

And Lucius pounds me extra hard… like he wants me to really feel what's happening…

The newly woken Hermione Granger in me wants to fight… She wants to scream at them to stop… she wants to claw her nails in Narcissa's hands and kick Lucius away.

I was numb for so long… I didn't care… somehow, in a situation like this, it was better…

Because now, I feel like screaming…

And when it's finally over I rush to my room, fall on my knees before the toilet and throw up…

I run the shower and try to wash the memory of their actions from my skin… I rub and rub until I feel my skin is scarring…

But it doesn't help…

I turn the shower of and rest my forehead against the cold tiles...

I want to throw up again…

I feel like suffocating… like there's no air…

So, I take my red cape and rush out… I know I shouldn't, at this hour… I know, if they find me I'm going to be in serious trouble…

But I have to get out… I have to!

I sit on the bench in the garden… the bench Draco usually sits on… and try to take deep breaths… but tonight, even the smell of roses makes me want to be sick again…

They smell of imprisonment… And most of them… even in the darkness of the night… they're red!

The wind blows my hair to my face and I realize I'm not wearing my bonnet… I left so hastily, I didn't even think of it.

"What are you doing?"

Before I even get properly scared, I realize it's the only person (besides Scorpius) in this house who probably won't sell me out immediately…

But I can't answer him… I don't trust my voice at the moment…

"Do you know what happens if anyone else sees you?!" He pushes on...

I wish he'd leave me alone...

"Yes!" I snap out, "Yes, I know, but it can't be much worse than what's already happening!"

I look at him… he's standing there, in the dark, looking down at me… "Don't…"

"Don't what?" I want to fight him… I want to blame someone… I want to… I don't even know what I want… "Don't talk about it? Don't remind you what they do to me? Don't make you think how they rape me every month!? Not talking doesn't take away the fact that that's what they do… Rape me! Every fucking month!"

"Don't give up, Granger!" He's talking in a hushed voice, but it sounds like he's screaming, "You can't give up! Scorpius… he finds comfort in you… he just lost his mother… he needs you… So, don't you dare give up now!"

"Oh… I'm not allowed to give up, because your child needs me!?" I'm not really mad at him… I'm mad at this twisted world! But he's here, so he pays the price, "Every fucking person in this house needs a part of me for different reasons! What about my children?!" I spit out, "What about my family!? They need me! What about what I need!? No one cares what I need! I just give and give and give… and what I don't give gets taken from me by force I'm torn into pieces until there's nothing left!" My voice cracks…

Before I notice what has happened he has pulled me up and I'm sobbing against his chest…

If coming out was dangerous…this is lethal… if they catch us, we're dead!

No man, except the commander, is allowed to touch a Handmaid…

But here he holds me as I cry… I wonder if he ever held his wife when she was sad…

"Granger…" He whispers…

"Don't call me that!" I sob, "It makes me think I'm something else than I'm supposed to be…"

He squeezes me harder, "remember when your friends, and the world needed you and you answered without a second thought?"

"No, I…I was a different person then…" I shake my head.

"You were't! That girl is still there, you just need to find her!" He shakes me a little…

"That girl would get me killed! I can't fight alone! It's just hopeless!"

"That girl will keep you alive! My wife died because she let go of the girl she used to be… I will not let you do the same! You're stronger than she could ever be, Granger!"

So that's what this is about? He feels guilty because of Astoria?

His next action comes completely out of the blue: he kisses me.

And I do the first thing my gut tells me to do: push him away and slap him in the face.

The moment my palm connects with his cheek with a whack, I realize what I'm doing… I'm not only hitting a man… but I'm hitting a son of my commander, right in the face.

But when he lifts his hand to his chin, that I just hit! I can see him smile.

It's dark, and I haven't seen him smile the whole time I've been here, but now there's a wide fusion of a smirk and smile spreading to his face.

"That's what I was talking about."

That… suddenly I've forgotten why I came out in the first place…

I hit Draco Malfoy in the face… and it felt good!

That snake did it on purpose! To get a reaction out of me!

I never knew he knows me so well… Like he knew exactly which strings to pull…

"You… fucking Slytherin!"

"Any means to achieve their ends…" He's still smirking.

And I actually smile at him... I haven't smiled sincerely for so long I seriously thought my face doesn't remember how to do that anymore… but of course, it does…

"I promised Astoria I will not let the world drown… But I'm not a hero… I can't save it alone…"

"It's still just the two of us..."

"We'll figure something out… you always did… you defeated Voldemort after all… We'll get through this… if not for ourselves... but for our children!"

"To give them a future." I give him a firm nod.

That's really all i want! I'm glad we're on the same page!

.

.

.

But it's easier said than done…

Although living is easier when there's someone in the house who is… kind of… on your side…

it doesn't change the fact, we're still trapped…

And that getting out is next to hopeless…

"They're getting impatient…" Pansy whispers to us one afternoon in the Center, "Too few pregnancies… so far I'm the only one in months…"

"Maybe it's the men… most of them are kind of old…" Ginny hisses back.

She's right… aside from a few exceptions most of the commanders are close to their sixties…

"You or Beth are not pregnant either…"

"Who's Beth?" Ginny asks I realize I don't know either…

"Ofneville…"

"we really should learn each other's names…" I mutter, "How can we think others should remember them if we don't ourselves?"

"My name is Hermione… not Oflucius!" I whisper.

I know they know my name, but it feels important to say it out loud.

"I'm Pansy."

"Ginny…"

"I'm Annie…" A girl, we know as Ofrobert whispers next to us.

"Ofneville is Beth… Oflogan is Marie… Ofkingsley is Tracey…" We try to memorize a name for each…

We are not possessions! We're people!

"Hey! Be quiet!" A solder catches us talking…

We snap our mouths shut… but even if it's only for a second, I believe we've ignited a fire, that can't be put out so easily...

But although hope is intoxicating… it's also deceiving.

Because hope needs maintenance… it's not enough to tell yourself there's hope if nothing else happens.

It's so easy to think things are going to change when you find hope inside of you again... But when days go by things that gave you hope, turn into normal…

And even if the afternoons in the garden help me cope… nothing else happens…

We're still trapped… still outnumbered… still in a hopeless situation…

I thought that maybe telling stories in the garden and crying in his arms changed something between me and Draco…but either it didn't, or he is just really good at playing his part… Because mostly he still treats me like I'm air…

He never gives me encouraging looks… never even nods at me… passes me in the corridor, like I'm not there… leaves the room as I enter…

Then I remember he's not a Gryffindor… he's nowhere near a Gryffindor… he's rules are different… I'm not sure what they are yet, but I know they are different.

He's not Harry or Ron, who would definitely try to encourage me… no, with Slytherin, it's every man for themselves…

And now, that i think of it… maybe it's wiser here… to play by their rules… and not barge in the room wand up, screaming "En garde!"

That would be Gryffindor-ish… and get us all killed.

I still hope I had some support…

.

.

.

Just as I thought it could get better… it got worse…

It's a completely normal day…and I'm on my way to the garden when I hear voices from the drawing room…

Maybe I shouldn't go to see what's going on... but I'm curious…and I was never forbidden to go there before.

But when I enter I realize I shouldn't have come… because what I saw will haunt me the rest of my life.

There's a girl on the floor, on her underwear… Her long blond hair is thick with blood and she is covered with cuts… the whole room smells of blood…

I'm fairly sure the girl on the floor is a Handmaid… she looks dead.

My focus is so much on her I don't even realize the men in the room at first… commanders… five of them, standing around the girl… and one of them is Kingsley.

I think they haven't even noticed I entered…

Is this how justice is executed nowadays?

I mean I knew it was something bad, but this…

A scream is just about to escape from my lips when someone covers my mouth with their hand and drags me backward out of the room…

"Shh, Granger… don't you dare scream, or you'll be the next one lying on that floor!" Draco whispers into my ear as he tugs me along the hall.

Finally, we are out in the garden and I tear his hands away from me.

"What was it?" I ask, holding my breath.

"A verdict…"

"That happens often?"

"Often enough…"

I turn my back to him and bite my finger because I still feel like I want to scream…

"What did she do?"

"I have no idea! As you can see, I'm not a commander…"

"How come you're ok with this?" I hiss at him.

"Who says I'm ok?"

"Don't tell me you've ever done anything to stop it!" I push his chest. "Don't tell me you've done anything to prove anyone it's not ok!"

"If you haven't noticed, this isn't an ideal atmosphere for trying to stop any of it! And I'm not one of your Gryffindor sidekicks who is going to get themselves killed, just for the sake of it."

"They are killing people! Innocent people! Girls!" I've started to sob.

Tears streaming down my face, and my breathing coming out with gulps.

"Granger, get it together!" he orders, takes my shoulders and shakes, "we agreed to stay standing! Don't you dare to fall down now!"

I push him away, "How can I keep it together when it's hopeless?! There are people tortured and killed, BY THE MINISTER! And we can do nothing! How can you expect me to keep it together!" I have to fight to not to scream… "I have a daughter Malfoy!" I state instead. "She's eight, so she is probably safe for now, but this gets worse by the day… I don't even dare to think what this will be when she's old enough…" I pause to take a breath, "And do you know what I see every time I look at these girls? I see her! I see her in Luna…as a trapped wife, who seemingly has power but truly is as much of a prisoner as we are… I see her in the faces of the people on the square, who tried to run to keep their families safe… I see her in that girl, lying lifeless and bloody on the floor as the ministry tortures her! I see her in a red dress, being raped every month, carrying a child she didn't want or will never be able to keep! I see her never being able to read Hogwarts a history, never learn the secrets of the world…never have any choice…She's my daughter, she'll never be allowed to be just the Heard… this is her future!"

I turn and dash further to the garden… not even sure where I'm going… I just have to get away…

The thoughts in my head feel too much for me to bear… I feel like shattering…

I kind of knew what was going on, but seeing it happen… seeing who made it happen… it's too much…

"OFLUCIUS!" He's yelling, and I know that's why he isn't using my given name…

I sit on the nearest bench and stare at the roses… let him find me.

When he emerges I won't look at him, but continue to stare at the roses.

"tell me you have a plan…" I whisper.

"I don't…"

"Tell me, you're going to make up one…"

"I won't…"

"Then why should I…"

"Because I'm trying, okay!?" He snaps, "Remember, I've done this before! Stood in the side and done nothing! It's not going to be what I'm planning to do this time around! But I'm not going to get myself killed before we get ahead two steps! It's not that simple, Granger!"

I know he's right…

I think of Pansy… and Daphne whispering her information about her daughter… Then I look at Draco… they've been through this once… maybe they've learned something…

maybe last time the world was saved by the Gryffindor courage… maybe this time saving it will need Slytherin cunning…

or maybe not…

I know, for now, I have no choice but to trust him…


	7. Hermione

"Oflucius, hurry, we don't want to be late!" Narcissa commands.

I have no idea why she finds a need to do that because I'm the only one who's standing in the hall, ready to leave.

It's a verdict day… a dreadful event once a month, when those who have committed crimes against The Law are brought in front of the crowd.

Every month I have to fear it'll be someone I know… that one of the criminals will be Harry or Ron… And every month is as horrible as the last.

Today it's a chilly autumn day, and I wrap my red cloak tighter around me as the wind blows through the square where we wait for the first victim.

It's always the same: they bring the 'criminals' in front of people, tell us what's their crime, we boo and then they pass the sentence… usually, it's X times of torture and imprisonment… that most likely means execution, like I told you before…

In these event's I'm not allowed to stand with the other handmaids… they probably think of standing with my friends would give me too much comfort… so I stand with Narcissa, Draco… and Scorpius, because of course children should see this atrocity too so that they know what happens if you disrespect The Law... Lucius is up in front, passing the sentences with other commanders…

First, they bring in a young boy… he looks barely off age… he's guilty of disobeying his place in the society. He is sentenced to 5 times of torture and a lifelong servitude in the facilities… which means he's going to be working... maybe he can keep his life. Then we watch as he gets his torture… I want to close my eyes, but it's forbidden, we need to see what happens if you dare step off the line… then he's dragged away.

Then they walk in a girl in a red dress… she has no bonnet, so her hair is in her face… and I'm fairly sure this is the same girl I saw lying on the floor of the drawing room about a week earlier. She looks young too… Her crime is whoring… So she was caught sleeping with someone else than her commander… it's about the worst thing a handmaid can do… she's sentenced to tortured 10 times and then imprisoned for life. We watch her getting tortured and I think of all the other prisoners and their sentences… and the fact that this is just half of what they get… she has already been tortured and whipped at least once before for her crimes...

But as the girl's screams fill the air, I see her… and the whole world stops.

She's standing in a group of children, wearing a pink cloak, holding a hand of a smaller girl… She caught my eye because she's longer than most of the other children standing there.

And I'd know her anywhere… She has the hood on and her wild red curls stick from under it… She was never able to tame them… like her mother.

At that moment, all the hope, I had, disappears…all the dreams of my children running on the beach somewhere far away from this bad place, vanish…

Because the girl standing there, staring at the scene in front of her… is my daughter.

My clever, fierce, beautiful daughter…

My firstborn… my baby…

It's been two years since I last saw her! She's grown so much… I just want to take her in my arms and hold her…to make sure she's okay… to tell her I never meant to leave her…

"Don't you dare move, Ganger." I flinch at Draco's voice in my ear. I had no idea he was standing that close, "It'll do her no good to make a scene now."

He knows I saw her… how can he know? I didn't do anything to give it away… Did he know she was there? was he just waiting for me to see her?

His hand I on my lower back, "Deep breaths. You can't help her if you're dead."

He's right… I know he is… but I can't take my eyes off of her…

It seems like I'm at that point in my life where the only thing keeping me together anymore is Draco Malfoy…

.

.

.

"so, they didn't get away?" I ask Draco the next afternoon in the garden before Scorpius gets to start reading.

"Who?" The boy asks immediately.

Neither of us bothers to answer him. I'm too concentrated on getting answers about my children to even realize he's talking.

"has she been here, with some family all this time? why haven't I seen her before?"

"This was the first time I saw her too…" Draco mutters.

"And you just immediately knew who it was?"

"Of course I know what she looks like! everyone who ever read a magazine knows! She was famous from the day she was born!"

"What about Ron and Hugo?"

"Haven't heard a word… don't you think I would have told you if I knew something?"

"I don't know!" I spit out, "Still haven't made up my mind If I should trust you or not…"

"What's going on?" Scorpius sounds confused as I imagine him being… we've never talked about anything in the garden, but the book on hand…

I've covered my face with my hands...

"Scorpius, you haven't seen a red-headed boy among the children?" Draco asks the boy, "a few years younger than you? thin and freckles?"

The boy shakes his head… "Only a red-headed girl… about my age… she came to school about two weeks ago. Doesn't talk much…"

"Rosie…" I whisper.

"No, I think her name is Lola…"

"They might have changed her name…"

Scorpius said two weeks ago… so she hasn't been here the whole time… were they on the run but got caught?

"I'm sorry, I can't be here at the moment."

I get up and make my way to my room…

Once there I start to pace around.

I feel so useless! There must be something I can do…

At least she's alive… I try to think.

At least she is just a child…

But if she is here… if she was captured and brought here… What happened to her brother and father? What about Harry and their children?

It was so much easier to try to convince myself they were somewhere safe… It was so much easier to play my part when I could pretend they were free…

A knock on the door interrupts my train of thought…

No one here knocks… so, of course, it's Draco.

I have no idea why he has suddenly started to act like he's my personal guard… This is the fourth time he comes to check on me… Like he has a mission to keep me on my feet and in my right mind.

Truth be told… if that's his aim… he seems to be successful… when I'm with him, I feel more like myself… my old self.

He knocked and now he's standing by the door and doesn't say anything… it bothers me.

"What?"

"Just came to check you're okay."

I could bet all my money that he would never have done this half a year ago. But since his wife's suicide, I think he's just worried he's going to have another death in his conscience…

"What do you think?"

"You know what I mean, Granger."

"In that case, no! I'm not okay, Malfoy! I'm nowhere near ok. Am I going to do something about it? No. So don't worry, I'm not jeopardizing you or your son anytime soon. I'm not stupid!"

"I didn't think you were…"

"Then what?"

"I was working to find a way to get you out of here Granger!"

Wait, what?

"Before you continue to snap at me, I can tell you that before this morning I was this close," He shows a little space between his thumb and his index finger, "at finding a plausible solution... But seeing her on the square changed everything. I knew immediately I could never convince you to go if she's here."

Who was this person talking to me? Who was this blond, worn-looking man, who looks like my schoolyard bully, but who just told me he was going to break The Law to get me out of here?

"Why would you do that?"

"I was going to get you transported to the border so you could apparate away."

nowadays we can only apparate from certain places to certain places. Like the village has one apparition point to Red Center, to the ministry, etc.

"Because it seems your boy-toys can't function without you. And this world needs heroes! I think someone needs to go to the American ministry to tell them what's happening here."

"Why don't you go yourself? Why do you think I should?"

"Because they'd listen to you! You're famous, I'm just some pureblood snob… And I can't leave my son."

"You'll leave him anyway if they catch you and kill you."

He shrugs, "It's a risk I have to take… I told you before, I've stood on the sidelines once, I'm not doing it again."

"But now we have to come up with something else… I'll try to get to talk to Blaise… I think he has some planning of his own going on…" He turns to leave.

"Draco," I stop him… I can't let him leave without saying something, "Thank you… for trying…"

He looks at me, with an unreadable look in his eyes… suddenly I find myself hoping I'd know him better to know what is going on in his mind…

"Trying is not enough…" He says and leaves the room closing the door behind him.

"It's still better than nothing…" I mutter, staring after him with thoughts running wild in my head.

in the night I dream of Rosie on the square and a van that'll take me to safety, waiting for me on the side of it... I'm standing in between debating whether it'll be easier for me to protect her if I'm here, or somewhere else… if fighting would be easier from the outside…

.

.

.

"She's acting weird, don't you think?" Pansy whispers to me nodding towards Ginny who's walking ahead of us.

I nod slightly.

Over these past few weeks, Ginny's been quiet… And I haven't had a chance to ask her if she's planning on something or if there's something wrong with her.

She answers she is always 'the same', like me… but that's about all she talks, and I think she looks a bit pale too.

I thought it was going better in her house… What was going on with her!?

"I haven't had a chance to ask what's wrong…" I mutter.

"Have you seen Rose lately?"

I told Pans and Ginny, I saw her… now I shake my head.

"I wish I knew who she's staying with…"

"I know what you mean…"

She does know…

We stand in line to apparate to our home.

"Ginny," I hiss, "You sure you're okay?"

She turns slightly to look at me, "Sure…"

But her look is absent.

"Something wrong in your family?"

"Shh…" She lifts her finger to maneuver me to be quiet.

But before she gets to answer anything it's her turn and a guard orders her forward.

I think I have to ask Draco what's going on in the Zabini manor…

But when I get to the garden only Scorpius joins me… no Draco on sight…

"So it's just you and me today?"

"Yeah, father had some errands to run…" The boy says calmly and starts to read.

But this, being able to listen to a book, was always too good to be true… Because only a few minutes later someone grabs me from my neck and pulls me up from the ground.

"What's happening here," Narcissa asks with her high authority voice.

"Nana!" Scorpius has jumped up too, "I'm just reading."

"You stupid girl." Narcissa forces me to turn around to look at her, "Did you really think you could get away with this?"

"Nana, it's not her fault! She just happened to sit there." The boy tries to pull his Grandmother's hem.

"Scorpius, how can you be this stupid? Do you know what's the punishment for violating The Law?"

"Mrs. Malfoy!" I cut in, "Don't blame the boy… it was me… this was all my idea."

Just let the boy go… I pray in my mind… Let him go… Draco will never forgive me… I will never forgive myself if Scorpius gets in trouble for this…

Narcissa looks at me and then she slaps me. Hard.

Water rises to my eyes and my ears start to ring.

"Nana! Don't!"

"Scorpius, go to your room."

"But,"

"GO NOW! I'll deal with your attitude later!"

the boy gives me one last hopeless glance and leaves.

I almost breath out in relief…

"You stupid, arrogant girl! How dare you defy us?"

She grabs my hand and starts to drag me through the garden and inside the house.

So that's it… I'm dead… they're going to turn me in and I'm going to be killed.

I should have made someone… Ginny or Pansy or…Draco… to promise to try and keep Rose safe if something happened to me… now it's too late…

Narcissa practically throws me to the Drawing room floor.

"Did you think your pitiful little life was worth more because you might be able to bear children?" She asks with a dangerous voice, "Did you think your biology could shield you from the fact that you're still a worthless mud blood whore?" She's walking closer to me… I'm trying to back away from her, but I'm on the floor and she's towering over me.

"The fact that I don't have a wand, doesn't mean I can't punish you, you ignorant slut."

She has a long whip in her hand… I have no idea where she got it…

I didn't think it meant… but only when the first slash hits me to my cheek do I know for sure she's really going to hurt me.

"This, dear girl, is how punishment is executed nowadays. Take your dress off."

I hesitate, but she slashes again, "Now."

I can do nothing else… I have nowhere to run… so I stumble to my feet and strip to my underwear…

"Turn around."

And I turn…

close my eyes and bite my lip… I'm not going to scream.

I'm never…as long as I live… going to forget the sound her whip makes when she swings it into the air, before it connects to my skin, making my eyes water and my lip bleed because I bite it so hard.

I rebelled…now I have to stand the consequences…

I think of the light in Scorpius's eyes when we told him stories… the enthusiasm in Roses when she received her first copy of The Tales Of Beedle the Bard… Hugo falling asleep on my lap as I read him The Hobbit…

One day this will all be just history…

But I'm not made of stone… after the sixth hit, I fall on my knees to the ground… And the whip slashes through the air again…

I've had worse… I've endured crucio… I can hold this too…

But with the next slash, black dots appear to my sight… I close my eyes.

"Mother, that's enough."

The room falls silent… all I can hear is my own ragged breathing…

Just stay conscious... I think, trying to inhale through my nose…

"She violated The Law Draco, this is a small punishment compared to what she gets If we take her in front of the Wizengamot. " Narcissa's voice has no emotion...

"I think she has learned her lesson. She's not much use if she's half dead." Draco drawls, "What did she do anyway?"

"I was coming to you next, dear. You need to talk to Scorpius, he was reading her a book. Out loud. That's a serious act of rebelling against The Law! I have no doubt she talked him into it, but you need to talk to him."

Draco stays silent… I keep my eyes closed and try to keep myself from fainting.

"I'll talk to him."

"Good. Make sure he gets the point." I hear Narcissa walking further from me.

"What about her?" I hear Draco asking.

"She can help herself out." The Malfoy matriarch is already out the door.

The room is silent… I think he followed her...

I fall on my hands and knees and scream without a voice.

My back is on fire and I can feel the blood drain across my cheek and my back…

But I need to get to my room… I can't lay here or they will return and punish me more.

Getting up though feels impossible.

I'm not going to cry here… I'll get to my room… and never come down again!

"Can you get up?"

Draco's back it seems.

I can't answer… because if I do, I'll break down and won't be able to get up at all.

I try to push myself up to show him instead… but the bang of pain keeps me on the ground.

"Here, let me help." His voice is a low growl… like he's angry.

I mean, I know he is… I got caught…

He pulls me up, but my feet won't hold.

And my mind is hazy like I'm not completely here… I think I'm going to pass out.

He asks me something, but the words seem foreign to me…

I should care that I'm on my underwear and that he's not really my friend… But I'm just so exhausted…

He holds my arms on both sides to hold me up and asks something again.

All I can think of doing is laying my forehead to his shoulder…

"Shit…" I hear him whisper… "Come on Granger, we need to get you to your room."

that's right… but no… For a while, he waits for me to move, but when I don't he picks me up.

I really want to tell him, I'll walk myself… but his arms feel steady…and safe… so I just close my eyes.

He carries me upstairs and lowers me to my bed.

"You should wash those wounds, they'll infect…"

I know…But I'm already almost asleep.

I guess he left the room …


	8. Hermione

I'm drifting… through the waves of hot and cold… like one moment I'm lying under the sun in the desert and the other I'm standing in the middle of the snow storm…

In my dreams they are with me… Running in the field with sun in their hair, laughing and smiling… And not only my children but James, Al and Lils…and Scorpius too… And I laugh with them…

In my feverish nightmares they're all dragged away, tortured in front of my eyes…whipped with a long whip slashing through the air over and over again… I'm always tied up…and can do nothing for them… but scream as they do…

I have no idea how many days go by… sometimes I think I'm not completely aware where or who I even am anymore…

I feel like slipping… further and further into the absolution… And in this pain and suffering…the absolution calls me like an old friend…

"Granger…" His hand on my arm feels heavy… I try to look at him but can't see clearly through all the haze.

"You're burning up… what's wrong?"

I'm too exhausted to speak…so I just close my eyes… maybe he'll go away…

"Granger, have you moved at all?" He's still here… I have no idea what he's talking about, so I answer nothing.

I'm vaguely aware that he moves my sheets… the cold air touches my skin and I shudder.

"Okay, get up Granger!"

I stay where I am, keeping my eyes closed.

"Get up! This is exactly why I told you to clean the wounds."

I still have no idea what he's talking about… but when I'm not moving, he starts to drag me out of the bed…

It irritates me a little… but I have no fight left… I'm just so very...tired…

"Come on! We need to clean those wounds."

"I'm fine…" I try to say but the words came out as a slur…

He pulls me up and half drags, half carries me to the bathroom…

He sits me into an empty bathtub... how does he think I can shower in my underwear, I think briefly, but when the first splash of water touches my back I don't really care anymore… the electric jolt of pain hits my body and I scream.

He stops immediately, "Shut up Granger!" He hisses, "Do you have any idea what happens if they find me here?"

I'm not sure what is real and what is only a product of my imagination… But I snap my mouth shut and bite my lip.

The water flowing down my back seems to wake me up a little… my head feels less cloudy and I start to comprehend what's happening.

I've been lying in my bed since the day Draco carried me up from the hall… the infected wounds must have caused a fewer, that explaines the smoke in my brains and the drifting… now he had come to my rescue again…

Why?

"Wait here…" He mutters now and leaves the room… I shudder and hope he's not going to be gone for long…

Luckily not…

"Here, make sure no one finds out you have it."

He gives me a small vial of dittany… I stare at it… and then I look at him.

I don't know what I expected to see… maybe some change… but he looks like he always does: bows furrowed, hair sleeked back, grey clothes dulling the grey in his eyes…

"I can't reach." I croak out… after days not talking my voice sounds foreign, even to me.

He sighs, takes the vial back and orders, "Turn around then."

Despite his obvious frustration, he doesn't rush, but his fingers grace my back patiently and thoroughly… and the immediate healing ability of the salve makes the haziness return.

I'm not quite sure how he managed to wrap me in the bathrobe, but I seem to wake up again as he shakes my shoulders.

I'm not in the tub anymore but standing in the middle of the floor and he's holding me up.

If I was any better I'd be embarrassed I'm so useless…

"Granger, you need to take the wet underwear off! I'm not going to do that for you!"

"What?" I mean to ask, but I'm not sure if that's the word that comes out of my mouth…

"I'm not going to let you go back to bed in wet clothes… it'll get you worse!"

Why is he so persistent to help me?

He turns his back to me… and I do as he told me, take the underwear off with huge effort… I wrap the robe back on but the same moment the world spins in my eyes.

I fall, but steady hands catch me before I hit the ground.

We are on the bathroom floor, he holds me, and I hold onto him, my face buried in his chest…

I try to breathe…

inhale

exhale

He smells like apples and spearmint…

I listen to the steady beating of his heart and try to match my breathing to the rise and fall of his chest…

inhale

exhale

He's the only thing real in this world… He's the only thing that stands strong when all else falls apart… He's the only one who's here…who looks out for me… comes to my rescue when no one else does…

No one… in years…

I waited for them… hoped for the impossible… for months and months… Then I realized I just had to stay strong…alone…

Until he… suddenly decided I needed him to save me…

Which I did…apparently…

Who would have guessed that in this world full of darkness… he'll be the one carrying the torch of the only light…

.

.

.

He's on his knees in front of my bed, "Come on, Granger, you've got to eat!"

It's day three and he has brought me chocolate cake… he tried sandwiches three hours before, but I refused to eat them… I have no idea what made him think I'd eat cake any better…

The dittany does help the wounds to heal but I still feel like shit… So I keep my eyes closed.

"Fine… but you asked for this!" He snaps, gets up and leaves the room.

Good…finally, I get to sleep without anyone interrupting.

I'm not stupid… I know I should eat, and not eating is the reason I feel like shit…

The peace he left behind is short lived…

"Hermione…"

That cheating bastard!

I'm a little surprised I still have it in me to get mad at him… BUT REALLY!?

I open my eyes and smile tiredly to the boy who has just taken my hand.

"Hi, dear… are you okay?" my voice is only a whisper.

"What happened? Father said you haven't eaten in days?"

Scorpius looks like before...all well and healthy...So they didn't punish him… I let out a breath of relief.

"Hermione… are you going to leave me too?"

His eyes, look so much like Draco's, but have an innocent glint in them that he has lost a long time ago…

He looks serious and sad, "Are you? going to leave, like my mother?"

He thinks I'm… oh no…

"No, love…" I raise my hand to his small cheek…

"you really have to eat…father says…" He offers me the piece of chocolate cake again…

There's nothing I can do…even if I feel like throwing up the minute I put a piece in my mouth… after a few forced bites, I feel the sugar crush to my vanes…

maybe I should have eaten earlier…

"Your father is a vile cheating rat, did you know that?" I say with my mouth full of cake.

The boy chuckles and puts a piece in his own mouth too…

"You got it, wrong Granger, I'm a snake. Snakes eat rats." A familiar drawl interrupts us.

He's standing by the door, looking too smug.

"I still don't appreciate your methods…" I mutter… Chocolate makes me feel a lot more like in my right mind again…

"It wasn't all his idea!" The boy protests.

I manage out a real smile this time… "Sure… little serpent."

I glance at Draco… He's looking at his son smiling … a smile that reaches his eyes…it's an expression I've never seen on him before…

to be honest… I haven't seen anyone smile like that the whole time I've been here…

It gives me comfort…

.

.

.

I get better… and when I'm finally strong enough to put my dress back on and walk downstairs, everyone pretends like I was never gone… like nothing was different…

Except for Draco… I know I said I hoped some sort of comfort, and that he just wasn't a comforting person… but now, it seems he thinks I need the encouragement to stay sane…

and who knows maybe I do…

Now he grabs my arm in a dark corridor and whispers, "You okay?"

Or gives me a nod behind his mothers back when she orders me around… it's nice… to have a protector…to know that at some level, he cares about me…

"Where were you?" Ginny whispers to me hastily at the center, "are you okay?"

I just nod… I don't have time to explain it to her any further.

"Pansy's at the hospital." She continues, "She was here two days ago and just dropped…they let me get to the hospital with her, but I had to leave before they found out what's wrong…"

She puts her hand on her mouth to hide a sob.

"Ofblaise, who gave you permission to speak?" The Lady asks from the front… the Ladies at the center are called Aunts… they're in charge of "educating" and taking responsibility of us handmaids.

Ginny stands up like we're supposed to when we are asked something, "Praised be The Law." She casts her eyes down, "I was just telling Oflucius that her pair, Ofcaius is sick. Do we have any news of her?"

"Yes, yes that's unfortunate what happened to her. Is that all?"

Ginny sits down, even though her question is ignored completely. "I hope she gets out soon and well…" She sighs.

We don't have to wonder for long because the next day she's back at the Center… The minute I see her I know she's not well.

She looks pale, there are dark circles under her eyes and she looks like she's been crying.

"Pans…" I put my hand to her shoulder the moment I meet her at the apparition point.

She looks at me and I want to tell her she doesn't have to say it… because it's written all over her face.

She lost the baby…

"I'm so sorry!"

I reach to hug her. Her guard says nothing… maybe he too is a little shaken by the condition of the handmaid…

"The worst part," She whispers sadly to me, "Is that I don't know if I should be sad or relieved…"

I can imagine how she feels…

"Will they reposition you?" I ask her as I let her go.

She shrugs, "I'll be staying at the center to heal… Aunt Meryl said it's too much to ask the Notts to take care of a sick handmaid...The way they talk about me sounds like I'm some malfunctioning machine… like the Center would fix me…"

We sit down to listen to the lecture. I look sideways to Ginny who is staring ahead with a weird look in her face… I think she looks a little sick… I should ask if she's ok, the next chance I got…

But it's not today… and the next time I get to the center she's not there…

"Where's Ginny?" I ask Pansy, but she doesn't know.

I begin to panic… has she been hurt? Or captured? Has she done something wrong?

"Maybe she has just gotten flu or something…" Pansy tries to calm me down…but I'm not convinced…

There's a strange feeling in my gut that it's something bigger than just her being temporarily sick…

I'll ask Draco when I get home if he knows something…

But it's the ritual night… so I don't get the chance, because they're waiting for me as soon as I get home…

.

.

.

It's late… I stand at the beginning of the stairs leading to Draco's quarters… I couldn't sleep…

It's nothing new…I rarely get to sleep after the ritual… usually, I lie on my back staring at the ceiling trying, and failing, to not to hope I'll never be pregnant with Lucius's child…

And I'm beginning to think it's because I dislike the idea so much that it's not working… No matter how we're stripped out of magic, we're still magical… so I think it's my accidental magic working as pregnancy protection… and every time, from the moment the ritual is over… I know it hasn't worked…

But it's not the reason I'm here… I'm here because I'm worried about Ginny… I want to ask him if he knows something… But it's about midnight so I'm starting to think this is a bad idea already…

To be truthful I'm not sure if the information about Ginny is the real reason I'm at his door…or do I wish he'd comfort me…again…

But I'm here already…so I might as well knock…

It doesn't take him long to open… like he was waiting for someone to knock…

"Granger?" He grabs my arm and pulls me in before I get to even open my mouth, "Are you stupid? Why would you wait at my door? What if someone saw you? The doors not locked, if you have to visit, just sneak in! It's dangerous to just stand in the corridor!" He sounds angry and frustrated… but his words make no sense.

"I can't just barge in here! What if you were… in the shower or something?"

"I didn't say you have to come to the shower! Just come in so no-one will see you!"

Actually, I didn't know I was even welcome… just wanted to ask… yes, Ginny.

"I wanted to ask if you've talked to Zabini in a while?"

"No, why?"

"Ginny wasn't at the center and I thought…"

He shakes his head… "No, sorry…"

I'm not sure why he's sorry… it's not like it's his fault…

We stand in silence, facing each other for a while.

"I should go back…" I start to leave.

"Wait, Granger…" I turn back to him… he has taken a step closer to me.

Suddenly I feel exhausted… like I could just fall into my bed and sleep for a thousand years…

"Are you okay?"

I know what he means… of course he knows it's a ritual night…

I shake my head… "No, but I'll manage…"

I start to leave again.

"Granger, if there's anything I can do…" He sounds sincere and as I turn to look at him again I see the worry in his eyes… I had no idea he was capable of feeling things like that…

"Why are you helping me Draco?" The question I've been wondering for weeks is out before I can stop it.

Silence fills the room… he's not going to answer…and I shouldn't have asked… I'm in no position to question his motives…

"Because I feel like I'm responsible…" He speaks so silently I can barely hear…

I don't know why, but I want to tell him he's wrong, even if I hoped before that the Malfoys were happy now… He has been too good for me to be held responsible…

"Well, You're not because if you'd been, I know you would have made yourself a commander." I try to joke… but it's a pathetic try that I realize sounds like an insult when I say it out loud… "Not that I'd think you'd enjoy it…" I mutter, but it's too late.

He tried to find a way to get me out of here…and I'm forwardly implying he'd rape girls if he had the chance…

My eyes meet his…they look sad and tired… like mine must look too…

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that…" I cast my eyes down, "I haven't joked for so long I think I've lost the ability…"

"Was it ever your strongest asset?"

I look back at him. He's smirking… but his eyes are still sad.

"Guess not…"

The room is quiet again… I should leave… but I'm not sure why I won't…

"I'm just so tired…" I breathe out after a while, "All I can feel anymore is just darkness and dread and sorrow and loneliness… And it seems there's no way out… like I'm drowning…"

He nods solemnly, "I know what you mean…"

I know he does… I've seen it in his eyes… At the moment I think he's the only person in this world who really knows what I mean…

And I realize I'm not really that lonely… I've got him… and he's already proven he cares about me…

Maybe it's out of duty…or sympathy.. or guilt… but it's better than being all alone…

I step closer to him and tilt my head up to look him in the eyes.

It's crazy what I'm about to do…but I can't go back to my room… I want him to show me I'm not alone… I need him to show me I can still feel…

"Please," I whisper, "Make me feel something else."

Something…. anything else…

Like guilty….

My lips meet his and I wrap my hands around his neck.

Like irresponsible…

He doesn't pull away but puts his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me back.

Like curious…

His lips are soft and hard… like there's a question and a demand at the same time. And when he breaks the kiss he looks at me with his deep stormy eyes, his hands still on my face…

Like ignorant…

I don't care what he's about to say… I don't care about his argue… I don't care if he thinks this is insane, or lethal, or wrong… I don't care if he thinks I'm out of my mind… I just want him to kiss me again…

Like needy…

The next kiss is rougher… He, too, finally gives in and pulls me closer… But it's not close enough…

Like reckless…

I push him further into the room, towards the bedroom… I need this… the feel of power… it's dangerous, but I'm going to do it anyway… because I need it… I want it… but his lips freeze… and he separates us…

Like victorious…

But his eyes are dark with desire… and I know he's not going to push me all the way away… he wants me… wants me like no one has wanted in years… I'm not just some random girl for him… He's not going to be the one to put a stop to this… so I raise my eyebrow at him... and he smirks… and I know I've won…

Like in control…

I pull his shirt off between kisses and then my hands are at his belt… He lets me make the first moves and mirrors me… he lets me lead…and I like it…

Like needed…

He opens my zipper and lets the red dress fall to my feet… I push him on the bed and straddle him… my wild hair falls like a curtain around us… his hands are on my ass and I grind myself against him… I can feel he's hard…

Like a woman…

His tongue traces my lips… he sucks my neck and drops kisses down to my breasts… and then his fingers are in between my thighs… "You're beautiful…" he whispers and bites my earlobe…

Like exited…

I moan… It has been so long…so long, since I last felt anything like this…his hands are strong and certain… he knows what he's doing… and even when he lets me lead, there's nothing submissive in his movement…

Like lustful…

I want more… so I push him on his back and pin his hands above his head… I can feel him smile against my mouth…

Like impatient…

He flips me around and now he's hovering over me… I can't take the tension anymore… I tilt my pelvis up to meet his movement… I want him…inside of me… now!

Like thrilled…

I wrap my legs around him as he thrusts and when he fills me I scream against his shoulder… because he sure knows how to position himself… like he knows how I like it… like his body fits together with mine…

Like cherished…

How many ways is there he can save me? I think briefly as he kisses me again… how many ways he can show me I can be repaired still?

Like passionate…

As our movements become rougher he flips me around so that we're in a sitting position... it's all kisses and caresses and ever building tension… He bites and sucks and kisses my skin and I pound myself against him.

Like freed…

Faster, harder… over the edge…all the way to the climax…At the moment I don't care if I cheated on my husband… I feel euphoric, triumphant, joyous and free... and even if it's short-lived… it's something else!


End file.
